Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
