You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
