of course. lets lasso hookers.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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