he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
