the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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