my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
