i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
