Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
