it's like iHOP with fire
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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