i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
