fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Shame is for Republicans.
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