proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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