I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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