Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
