____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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