I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
whose parrot is this?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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