Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
