saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
