i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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