I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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