it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
