Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
