1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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