He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
