Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
