I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
