it's not cheating when I paid for it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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