Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we're so committed to being not committed
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