i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
