The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
