I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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