I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
