dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
