at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
