I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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