Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
