OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
