just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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