And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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