I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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