is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
only you would photoshop your dick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
