Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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