So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
