Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
