Nicole vs. Life
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
