Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
