There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i out mim tonsoeep
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