It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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