no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
