Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
